Monday, March 30, 2009

Jaws and April Fool's

I haven't posted anything in a while, because I've been incredibly busy with moving, working and playing the drums. That's right, I said playing the drums. The guy who has been playing guitar for years is switching gears.

Don't get too excited though, I'm not that great. Yet. Right now, there are 12 year old kids who are better on the drums than I am. Probably better than I will ever be.

Okay, on to other things. It's only March for another day or so, which means that the basketball madness is coming to an end. Thanks to Michigan State and Villanova, I've ripped up my bracket, burned the shreds and scattered the ashes over the Ohio river.

This tournament hasn't quite felt the same without seeing the UK boys in royal blue. This was largely because their athletic director made a terrible hire 2 years ago. Billy Gillispie. 'Who?' you ask. Billy. Clyde. Gillispie. Anyone with 'Clyde' as a middle name can't coach basketball. End of story.

UK did the right thing and showed Billy G the door as soon as the season was over, instead of waiting around like UC did when they wanted to fire Huggy bear.

Now that Clyde is out of Lexington, the Wildcats are looking for a new man to run the show, and it looks like John Calipari is going to be the guy. They offered him 100 Billion Dollars and he said he needed to sleep on it. Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Sleep on the new pillows that UK will give you. They're filled with $100 dollar bills, and the pillow cases are made with sheets of gold.

I was actually in Kentucky last Friday to see my cousin Adam before he leaves for the Army. I gave him one piece of advice. Keep your mouth shut and your butthole closed.

Besides talking about the Army and his plans of being a paratrooper, we went fishing for a few hours with our uncle Jason. It was raining most of the day, but it stopped once we started fishing. Jason threw a line in and pulled in a bass within 5 minutes. It was going to be a good day.

I was catching a few blue gills to start, just using Jason's old Zebco pole, which, if you know anything about fishing, is a terrible rod, not much better than a mickey mouse pole. After reeling in 3 or 4 blue gill, something took my bait and ran with it. The reel was screaming, so I jerked it, and the fight began. I got it closer and closer to the bank (we were fishing in a pond) until I finally pulled it out. An 18 inch largemouth bass that rivaled the size of a great white shark. It was the biggest catch of the day, and I didn't let anyone forget it.

As some of you may know (thanks to Facebook), my birthday is on Wednesday. Thats right, April Fools Day. And this year, all I want is to hear about everyone's favorite April Fool's Day prank to play on someone. Oh, and a pair of slippers. Honestly, I don't see how there is any better holiday than April Fool's Day. You get to be a complete jerk to everyone by playing tricks on them, and you get a free pass. People might get mad, but they won't hold a grudge. How often do you hear people say 'I'm so mad at so and so for pulling the prank on me on April Fool's Day.' Never.

So, please, post your April Fool's pranks on the comment section.

I will leave you with this great collection of the greatest plays of the year by King James. Because, tomorrow night, I'm driving to Cleveland with my buddy Matt to watch the Cavs/Pistons. We will both be witnesses.

He is the best player in the NBA. Period. If you don't agree, you are either in denial, or you don't know anything about basketball.

Thanks for reading, and have a great week everyone!


Monday, March 9, 2009

Boat Songs

I saw the "I'm on a boat" video by Lonely Island for the first time a few days ago, and it was so funny that I decided to post it on the blog. But, to be fair, I'm also posting the "Boats 'n Hoes" video by Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly, since that one came out first. I started a poll, to let all of you vote for which one you like more. I'm not going to tell you which one I'm voting for, but I'll give you a hint. T-Pain is in it.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Double Doubler & Gandalf the Grey

I haven't posted in a couple weeks, mostly because I've been a house-body. If you don't go out, there's nothing exciting to blog about! However, that was not the case this weekend.

I got off work at 8, and headed downtown to meet up with Buckeye (his real name is Matt, but our friend Mike dubbed him the nickname 'Buckeye' since he went to OSU.) Buckeye and I got some food, then met up with Ted, Mike and Kyle to play the 'all you can bowl' from 11:30-2:00 at Cherry Grove Lanes. I started out hot with a 192, but failed to reach that mark the rest of the night. None of us really bowled spectacular, but there was a girl 2 frames down from us that put up a 259. We were watching her as she had a perfect game through 7 frames, but in the 8th frame she left the 10 pin, thus ending the chance of bowling the elusive 300. Still an impressive game, though.

We got back to Buckeye's place around 3 am, woke up the next morning, and hit the road for Kalamazoo, MI.


We were going to Michigan to pick up a car that Ted's Dad fixed up for him, and we probably didn't all need to go, but we thought it'd be fun to road trip it up there.

We took our time getting up there, stopping for lunch, and getting gas. When we filled up for gas, I bought 4 $1 scratch off tickets (cleverly named the Double Doubler), one for each of us. One of us won $5 (I can't remember who, but I know it wasn't me) so we cashed that in for 5 more tickets. The four of us went on a pretty long winning streak, and kept cashing in our tickets for more tickets. There's a term for this. Gambling addiction.

Our streak finally ended, 50 tickets later.

We hit the road again, and started making pretty good time. Right up until we stopped at a rest area.

Mike, Ted and Buckeye went to the bathroom while I waited in the car. About 5 minutes later, Mike comes out laughing his head off, and he could barely get a sentence out. But here's what I gathered from the situation after talking to Ted:

Mike was washing his hands and Ted was finishing up at a urinal when an older gentleman walked into the restroom (probably in his 60's). The man started chatting it up with them, then unzipped his pants, and put the snake through the hole to do his business. Now, most guys stay pretty focused during this process. Head down, both hands on the trigger. They might still talk a little, but they keep it to a minimum.

This, however, was not this guy's style. As Ted was washing his hands, the man turned to him and Mike, and continued talking, while his wrinklebeast was still hanging out, in all its glory.

Mike and Ted both knew it was there, but focused every muscle in their body towards looking the man directly in the eye. They slowly backed away, fumbling towards the door, and left.

After everyone piled back in the car, the man walked out of the bathroom. We started to drive away, and I rolled the window down so Ted could give him a wave. He did. And the man waved back, with a big smile on his face.

We made it to Kalamazoo around 5 or 6, played some Wii, then went to dinner. Later that night, we played some cards, and this was when Mike came up with a nickname for the man at the rest stop. Gandalf the Grey (from Lord of the Rings). There are several perverted connections to be made here, but instead of telling them to you, I'll just let your imagination run wild. After cards, we called it a night(after making a midnight run for 4th meal), because we had to wake up at 7:00 drive back to cincy.


With only 4 hours sleep or so, we hit the road at 7 am. We split up on the way back, since Ted had to drive his car. Buckeye rode with me, and Mike rode with Ted. We decided that the drive home wouldn't be complete without stopping at the gas station in Anna, OH, that sparked the hot streak of scratch off winners. We bought about $10 worth, and started scratching away.

Our luck wasn't quite as good as before, but we were still getting winners, and of course, cashing them in for more tickets. When I walked up to cash in $16 worth of winners, I decided to change it up a bit, and get 8 $2 tickets called 'The Luck of the Irish'. I had a pretty good feeling about it, seeing as I'm half Irish, and St. Patty's Day is less than 2 weeks away.

My first ticket was a dud, but my second was a $100 winner. Fighting the urge to get 100 $1 tickets, I cashed it in, and split the money with my gambling partners.

We got home around 2:00, played some golf, then I headed to my basketball double-header. Unfortunately we lost both, and I'm pretty sure I got dehydrated after the games.

That's pretty much my weekend in a nutshell (a rather large nutsell), and if you've made it this far, you deserve to be rewarded. So here's your You Tube Video of the week: